That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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