Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I think I sprained my soul last night
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
