Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Randomize
