How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize