talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
