ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
