This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
