I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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