Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Randomize
