took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I enjoy the company of your penis
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
