I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
he shaved USA in his pubs
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
