Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
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