the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
