every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
