Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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