speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
