Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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