I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
