Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I wish life had little blips of pornography
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
