I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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