i just wanna soil my oats bro
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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