I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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