you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize