Swine flu. Run for my life!
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
