also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Randomize
