dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize