my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
