when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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