all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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