please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
