Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
