Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
