so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
