I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
babies were throwing up all over the place
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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