Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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