the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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