Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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