nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize