i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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