my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Bring me that man meat
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
