I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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