I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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