How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
