I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
