I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
