You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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