can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
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