I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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