I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
