that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
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