Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
