Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
