Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
