My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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