can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
