I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
