yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
