no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
