your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
