I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
he thought i was a dude.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
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