When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
