Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
