I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
