I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
