I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
