if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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