How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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