My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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