just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
