look no pants
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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