I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You took a bar mat shot.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
