I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
zippers are such a cool invention
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
