Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
