1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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