At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
