PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
kristin has been a bad kristin
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
