my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
