once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize