Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
