the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
