it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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