you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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