Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
