my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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