Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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