I'm going to jail i love you
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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