he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Randomize
