You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
