What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Randomize
