Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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